papa

Month of August last year, I have been distressed by two conflicting thoughts. Whether to
give up my job start anew and go home. Or to go back to school and come what may.i
know it was a stupid thoughtBut maybe i just need time for myself and i knew
i just missed my family.
By mid-august, i received a message from a family friend. She told me that my father was
rushed to the hospital and was very ill. He had an attack.Hypertension. I was shocked and I couldn't imagine my father to be ill. I've always pictured him to remain a strong middle-aged man. Just a few minutes, my mother called me on the phone. Her voice was shaking and it was really heartbreaking for me. I haven't cried for maybe a year i guess, but that time i wanna breakdown and cry. But i don't
want my mom to hear me cry. I pretended to be tough and told her everything will turn out fine. She
said, my father never even told her that he wasn't feeling well anymore. That it has been a year
since his first attack, and now it's the fourth and worst attack.
I prayed to God that if it's already his time, I asked Him for the last time I want to be with my father. I have given him many disappointments as a daughter and I realized i've wasted a lot of
time that It could have been spent with my family. I decided to go home the following day. I talked to my superior that I'llbe gone for few days and promised to be back for work immediately after all this ordeal. But before I had talked to her, well, I can't stop my tears, i cried like i've never cried before

Before going to my hometown, me and my significant other had talked. He wanted to go with me. But for me, it wasn't a good timing to introduce him to my family yet. but I never knew because of
that, what we had will just be a history...

I traveled alone and in deep thoughts, I'll be with my family again for few more hours and I
can't stop thinking about how i refused him to go with me. I just wondered if he was sincere enough or he was just simply telling me that.

I arrived home on the morning the following day. It was past nine o'clock in the morning when me and my brother arrived at the hospital. There I saw my father. So weak and thin. And he was crying and telling my mother, (though he was having a hard time to talk )that I am not going home and that they were just telling him I am going home even if i am not. I felt a lump in my throat upon hearing it and my eyes began to get watery. My heart was so heavy while getting near him. My mother told me in a low tone that he can not clearly see now and he's acting like a child. His brain was greatly affected.
I sat beside him and talked to him. I told him to stop crying and they were telling the truth
'cause I'm finally home. I asked him if he recognized me. And he said "YES". Though he cannot speak clearly but he tried to talk to me as if nothing's happened to him. I was there at the hospital for
few days. He was showing some changes. Signs of progress on his health condition. But I know, we all know what hypertension is. I am not inclined to medical profession but I know what's going on with my
father. I talked to his doctor, to his neurologist and attending physician. They told me that my mother already knew what's the real condition of my father. He was already advised to be discharged from the hospital because no matter what medication he's going to take, it will be of no use. He will remain to be on that condition. With a weak body, can't talk, hear and see clearly. And will act like a child most of the time. And we will just wait for another attack. It was hard to accept but it was the truth
Most of his major arteries on his brain were blocked by blood clots. The blockage on his arteries was due to his first three attacks. It can be cured if we can bring him to the most expensive and hi-tech
hospital but that was impossible. Where on earth will we ever find money to afford on that? But even
though we could find a way to afford it, but still he was too weak to go through any operation. It was still useless.
After a week, I told my father that I have to be back at work. But I never let him saw me
walk out that door and carry my baggage. I know he will cry. Though he sometimes forgets
who's with him at the hospital but he usually cries when someone arrives to visit him or when
someone says goodbye to him.

And another chapter of my life has begun....